My underwear smells like fireworks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think a kid would responsible me up
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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