Who wears a wallet chain?!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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