it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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