Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
