Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
