Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
