This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
