I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize