Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
