I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
