i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
