I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
