google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
