you traded sex for a burrito?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
