i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
