We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my being single is dangerous.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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