I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
