My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize