Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize