Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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