mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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