i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize