My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
