Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
