You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
