I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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