Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize