My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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