i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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