It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
