I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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