DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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