Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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