When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
