this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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