I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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