Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
