hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
