i don't like sucking hair
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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