Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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