Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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