I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize