he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
