Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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