I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
