this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
