ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
