You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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