if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
