You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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