Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
