I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
