I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
