Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
