I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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