Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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