I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
