bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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