I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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