So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
