Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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