It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
