Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
